So I’m not the only one who thought high school math was rather pointless in the grand scheme of things. Brett Anderson of the Oakland Athletics agrees with me.
I’m still waiting for when Sin Cos Tan comes in handy for me in life…thanks High School!
— Brett Anderson (@BrettAnderson49) May 2, 2012
Even though Justin Verlander won the 2011 MVP and Cy Young awards, the Detroit Tigers’ ace doesn’t put himself above anyone. Verlander checked out a New York City little league game after appearing at the MLB fan cave and decided to tweet a bit about it.
Now I’m at Murry Bergtraum Blazers vs Midwood Hornets game in downtown NYC doing some play by play #whynot?
— Justin Verlander (@JustinVerlander) April 28, 2012
Up to the plate is Giovanni Pena. Kid is putting up some power numbers for Murry Bergtraum this season. Batting around .678
— Justin Verlander (@JustinVerlander) April 28, 2012
Giovanni is one lucky kid.
Most people won’t even donate a penny to a homeless person, but Logan Morrison certainly isn’t of that type.
Never trust a homeless guy selling homemade lemonade on Biscayne Blvd, just saying… #LessonLearned
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 27, 2012
Phrasing and word choice are everything, and Matt Stairs proved that to be true back in 2008.
Towards the end of his career, Stairs became a pinch-hitter with out of the park power. He only had 17 regular season at-bats with the Phillies in 2008, so when he hit a game-winning bomb in the playoffs, Stairs was rather emotional:
When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys — there’s no better feeling than to have that done.
See? Couldn’t he have just talked about camaraderie and brotherhood?
Instead, he comes off as a dude who craves a dick up his bunghole. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but phrasing and word choice are everything.
So how does an adult lady walk into a glass door?? I Just witnessed it! #LMAO
— Mike Aviles(@Themikeaviles) April 25, 2012
Like this.
Or this.
Classic mistake.
Huh?! Wrong guy man hahaRT @pagehbca: @RickyRo24 What’s the latest baby update!
— Ricky Romero (@RickyRo24) April 25, 2012
Because he’s Jose freaking Canseco, Jose freaking Canseco gets lots of hate tweets. But he has his arsenal of responses.
Some idiot set himself up by saying I was a tool then I said that’s why I screwed your wife ,get it
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 24, 2012
Bam.
Does anyone know what the hell Yu Darvish said here?
あれ僕じゃ無いんですよ^^; キャンプである日、某人が「ハジメマシテ〜」の件を話してたんですよf^_^;)発音の仕方とかは聞かれましたが（笑）RT @tatetatetateyan: 俺が、聞かれたから教えたけどな。しかし、日刊もそんな記事載せるか？マスコミ怖いな。悪いな俺のせい
— ダルビッシュ有(Yu Darvish) (@faridyu) April 21, 2012
Google Translate came up with this: “^ ^ I do not me it is; Sun is a camp, or how to pronounce f ^ _ ^ 
I was talking Iwas asked the last of the “Nice to meet ~” certain people (laughs)”
You probably only know of J.P. Arencibia because of his impersonation of Tim Kurkjian.
Well, J.P.’s dog, Yogi, has a pretty good imitation of his own: John Holmes.
Look at Yogi go at the dog park!!! Looks like he’s having a great time even though I’m gone!! #BigPublicAffectionGuy lockerz.com/s/202936104
— jp arencibia (@jparencibia9) April 21, 2012
There’s definitely been a lot of bathroom humor pervading this site lately, but what can you do?
Check out what Adam Jones of the Baltimore Orioles tweeted:
I stay and enjoy my rotten ass RT“@FABEWASH31: Have your fart ever smelled so bad you had to get up and leave the room”
— 10 (@SimplyAJ10) April 20, 2012
Jose Canseco and Bud Selig haven’t always had a harmonious relationship. How could they? After all, Canseco resembles everything that went awry in baseball throughout Selig’s tenure as commissioner.
Just one month ago, Anthony Pappalardo of vice.com asked the author of “Juiced” which three human beings he would most like to fight. Canseco answered, “I would love to get in the ring with Mike Tyson. The baddest man in the planet. Shaq was another one, and maybe Bud Selig but he is too old.”
Well, Canseco attended the 100 year anniversary at Fenway Park this afternoon, and as luck would have it, he found himself next to baseball’s commissioner.
I am right next to bud selig ,he is so lucky I am not angry at him anymore
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 20, 2012
I think we can all agree that Selig is certainly one lucky individual.
Imagine this guy:
Against this guy:
Carl Everett, a two-time MLB all-star, accumulated over 200 career home runs and held a lifetime .271 batting average, but he is best remembered for his volatile temper and his penchant for addressing controversial topics, well, in the most controversial way possible.
We’ll spare you his rant against homosexuality because it’s not even funny. It’s just blatantly ridiculous and politically incorrect.
Instead, here’s what Everett said about dinosaurs, in our first-ever blast from the past:
“God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.”
So someone also saw the evil, talking serpent that convinced Eve to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, right? Without knocking the religious text, I would just like to ask you, Carl, how is that serpent more real than the thousands upon thousands of dinosaur fossils exhumed by paleontologists?
Nothing gives me more joy than 2 ask a waiter, “What do u recommend?” then stare him down while I order something completely different
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 13, 2012
It’s funny because some baseball fans love telling you you suck then watching you strike out. What goes around comes around, I guess.
Logan Morrison has been on a roll lately. Here’s his most recent tweet:
Just tried to Google “Gary Oldman”. The “R” button on the keyboard was broken. Not good…
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 10, 2012
Let’s just hope he wasn’t on Google Images…
Whoever invented yoga pants is the man. They’re great for a variety of things, the least of which is yoga.
— Trevor Crowe (@tcrowe4) April 10, 2012
Wouldn’t be surprised if this is Trevor Crowe’s homepage. Not sure if I’d be surprised to hear Crowe was wearing yoga pants when he tweeted this, however.
Oh, wait. They did already?!
Either the couple in the hotel room next to mine are fornicating…or i don’t know what the hell they’re doing.
— Brett Anderson (@BrettAnderson49) April 10, 2012
A word to the wise from Logan Morrison…
Dear Philly girl I just saw in the lobby, there’s a fine line between tan (PS its April) & looking liked you rolled around in Doritos…
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 9, 2012
With an afternoon game in Philadelphia tomorrow afternoon, the Miami Marlins had to leave Cincinnati shortly after Sunday’s series finale. Logan Morrison, however, decided to have some fun with the hotel staff before checking out.
Bet the maids won’t be able to figure this out tomorrow… img.ly/gvGu
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 9, 2012
I was just driving through a rough area of town and a bum threw a pizza crust at my car, so Happy Easter?
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) April 8, 2012
And you didn’t set the guy straight, Brandon? You should have pulled some Jack Black Anchorman moves and punted his… well, if he had any sort of possession, you should have punted it.
Currently weathering boring tales of yester-year from grandparents… RT if doing the same. Don’t worry, they don’t know what twitter is.
— Dirk Hayhurst (@TheGarfoose) April 8, 2012
That’s almost as frustrating as major league dreams that don’t come to fruition.
Making my way out of bed has been a slow 5 step process… Just moved to the couch… Step 3
— Steve Cishek (@srSHREK31) April 6, 2012
What’s wrong with that statement?
The Boston Red Sox started 2012 like they ended 2011, losing in walk-off fashion. Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford sure is lucky, however, because he almost jinxed the Detroit Tigers.
Congrats to the tigers on a good win to start the year…gotta watch my man kershaw tonight…masters too of course
— Matthew Stafford (@Staff_9) April 5, 2012
That tweet seems accurate now, but Stafford posted it prematurely… before Jose Valverde relinquished the Tigers’ 2-0 lead in the ninth inning.
I turned it off…sorry for the jinx
— Matthew Stafford (@Staff_9) April 5, 2012
Even though it’s Opening Day, Detroit fans probably wouldn’t have been too happy with Stafford if the Tigers didn’t bounce back in the bottom of the ninth to win on an Austin Jackson single.
Eeeaaassssyyyyyy…everyone relax. My man from Dallas Austin Jackson has it under control…played against him growin up
— Matthew Stafford (@Staff_9) April 5, 2012
So Cincy is really cold… #CocktailWeenies
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 5, 2012
Outfit looks great on u but it would look better on my bedroom floor RT @mac90x: What did LoMo say 2 his lovely escort? twitter.com/mac90x/status/…
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 5, 2012
Better hope the bedroom’s not as cold as Cincy…
If you missed the moments leading up to tonight’s Cardinals/Marlins game, you missed Muhammad Ali make an on-field appearance before first pitch. Some of the players had the privilege of meeting Ali, who called Logan Morrison out.
PS I got to meet the greatest fighter of all-time, Muhammad Ali tonight. How insanely cool is that?!?He told me my trash talking was weak…
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 5, 2012
Turns out The Greatest was on the money.
Wash ur face.. RT @Big_Danno: LoMo What were u wearing on ur arm tonight jackass? An arm condom? Who’s ass r u sticking that up? Ur terrible
— Logan Morrison (@LoMoMarlins) April 5, 2012
“Wash ur face” is all you have, LoMo? Come on.
